More Breaking News
Allison Spotted On South Padre Island
Allison missed Fossils hockey this Sunday and was spotted far away on South Padre Island. Rumor is that you could not recognize her by her face. The Girls Gone Wild bus was seen in the area. When she gets back from spring break ask to see her tan.
Erin Coates Interviews With Kasey Kahne
Erin won a chance to interview as Kasey Kahne's personal assistant. She thanks everyone who voted and voted and voted for her. Erin should be sure put on her resume that she can do more than get coffee, although I'm not sure scoring on the sieve is a real marketable trait.
Angie says it wasnt' a tie and Luke does laundry.
Mark Kightlinger made a clean break of his season and his ankle. Reports are that pope Benedict has been doing background checks in the area as the rumor is that Andrea is being considered for sainthood. Get well soon Mark.
The Sieve Retires
Grief counselors were called to the Farley Drexler middle school as Gene hung up his ruler and set off for the Earlville gas station as neither Bethany Home nor Mt Pleasant Home were interested in his rights. Now that he has more time to work on his game, expectations are high that he will not be looking behind himself as much to find the puck.
The Commish Put Out To Stud
Bethany Home beat out Mt Pleasant Home among others to pasture the Commish. Those looking to pick up a bargain in the Commish's old Robin Hood stables are out of luck as the ranch has already been sold. The fillies at Bethany Home have already been put in a separate corral.
Dan Gray Traded To Green Bay
In an off season trade Dan Gray was sent to Green Bay for future considerations. The dogs and cats of Green Bay have been put on alert to protect their goodies.
Good luck Dan.
Allison To Sing National Anthems
Allison has volunteered to sing the USA and Canadian national anthems to get our tournament off on a high note.
Just a reminder Allison, "Jose can you see?" is not part of the USA anthem.
Mario and Danny Retire
From Danny:
Big mama b.... has to retire her skates for the '05-'06 season.
I'm at the half way point and had an ultrasound today. All is well and the baby looks healthy. The doctors would like me to keep it that way and said I protrude too far out to be on the ice playing with you hogs.
See you next season!
From Ted: What respect when we try and treat her so nice.
Gene Shares His Goalie Tips
Be sure to check out Gene's Goalie Tips. He may need some extra tape.
Lance Returns To The Ice
Lance Hall turned out for over 30 hockey this week and hasn't seemed to lose a step or his smile. He plans his Fossils season debut this Sunday.
Florida Not A Suspect
When you see Danny be sure to congratulate her. It appears that she will be furnishing us with at least a forward line of skaters for the future. If she continues to skate, Bill is considering charging her double to make ends meet.
Tony Pays Us A Visit
Tony Snook showed up at the rink recently. He didn't bring his skates though. It seems he would rather defuse bombs than figure out a five man defensive rotation. Unfortunately Ted was not present to explain it to him. Good luck in South Korea Tony.
Welcome New Fossils
When you see them be sure to introduce yourself and say hello to welcome our new skaters. They are: Janet Warren, Bryan Fitting and Nick Pedersen. As this is more of a fun and social rather than a serious hockey organization, it is important to make everyone feel welcome.
Beecher Doesn't Miss a Shift
John's story is that he was trimming a tree when a falling branch cut him over the eye. Wanting to add to his hockey legend he refused stiches. When you see Newton ask him if you can see the effects of gravity.
Rumor Put To Rest
Due to his need for sleep, poor health and advanced age Joe will not be sharpening skates. Be sure to wish Joe well.
Joe's Going To Sharpen Skates?
The grapevine at the Lounge has been alive with the rumor that Joe Baxter has bought a $3500 skate sharpener and is going into business. The rumor also has it that he will be apprenticing under the former owner. We will have to wait for Joe to hit the ice before we know for sure. So don't head to his house with your skates quite yet this might be just bar talk.
Five Flags Comes To The Aid Of Our Goalies
Five Flags found some extra money in the renovations budget to install both overhead and and wall mounted locker room signs. The braille wall mounted signs should be a great aid.
When You See The Commish, Ask Him If He Scored.
Lance Hall Also On The Injured Reserve
Word has it that Lance has missed both work and hockey with a bad back. There seems to be a difference of opinion between Lance and his wife as to whether playing hockey would be good or bad for his situation.
Update on Eric's Injury
Evidently a Little Star was teaching Eric how to do cross overs when Eric fell.
Andrea And Eric On Injured Reserve
Both have sustained shoulder injuries, both reportably due to on ice incidents. Andrea has a separated shoulder and Eric has a broken collar bone. No reliable details are available on Andrea's injury, but apparently a Little Star went high on Eric
Schultz' Stick Shortening Service
In addition to his jersey services, Gene will now shorten your stick for you. Gene will provide this service from the back of his pickup while you wait ... and wait ... and wait. Please allow at least a half an hour as Gene rests between every one hundred saw strokes. Also, please make sure of your stick measurement as Gene wants to conserve his nitro.
Literally Breaking News
Paul Woodward slipped on the ice and broke his foot. And no surprisingly he was not on skates, he did it in his driveway. Anyway that's his story and he's sticking to it. Unfortunately he will be out for the season.
Phil Brown's Back In Action
Fortunately Phil has recovered to help fill the ranks for Paul and is back in action. Ted though is again playing heads up hockey
Doc Herrig Attacked By Gassman's Ghost?
Doc Herrig was cruising all alone out by the center line when the puck came free and it looked like he was off to the races. All of the sudden he tripped at the center line and hit his head hard on the ice. There are those who believe it was Gassman's ghost preventing a break away. It is undecided whether to contact Houdini, the Pope, or a police physic. Doc's skating ability does not seem to be a factor.
The Lounge Designated Official Game Evaluation Location
The Lounge has been chosen as the location for player game evaluations, including goalies. Kate is our official hostest with the mostest.. Please feel free to stop by after the game and register your considered opinion on player development and areas of the game where we can benefit from improvement. You don't have to run the stairs if you buy the beer.
Phil Brown On Injured Reserve
The blind side hit that Tony nailed him with on Sunday tore some ligaments loose in his knee and has put him out of commission. Doc volunteered to give Phil free medical services, but having seen "All Creatures Great and Small" on PBS Phil declined.
City Council Considers Zoning Change
The Dubuque City Council is considering a change to the zoning ordinance to change the set back from 50 to 30 feet.
Mike Remakel Injured
Mike finds himself in an almost compete body cast as the result of a freak work (?) accident. Danny feels that it is just a ruse and that he does not want to back up his off ice comments. His wife, Mary Beth, has been interviewed and the accident remains under investigation.
Dan Grey Picked Up Off Waivers
Dan Grey was released from the Iowa State Veterinary School and has been picked up off waivers. Doc Herrig is now being used for trade bait. Should we be able to unload Doc Herrig and his contract we may be able to have pizza.
Florida Traded
Florida has been traded to Pennsylvania for future considerations and a used puck bag. Does anyone have a used puck bag they are willing to donate to complete this trade?
Danny Hopes For Fewer Jokes